i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
