A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
