Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
