My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
