I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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