Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
