If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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