why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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