WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize