I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
