dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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