Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
