I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I died a long time ago.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
