Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize