Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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