My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm at about main and main street
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
