it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
