I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
