There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
