honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
