We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize