ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
