The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
