is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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