What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
