never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
