I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
