Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
