The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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