I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
