I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
