I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
