I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
