Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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