You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
