so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
