I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
