but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
