So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
