Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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