He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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