DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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