Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
