I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
