My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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