I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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