Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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