it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
