As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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