I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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