I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
