Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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