Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize