I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
