He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
