where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
