im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
