i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
