Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
