did you get engaged???
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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