I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
