roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
