yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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