your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
