he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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