Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
