My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
