I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
