I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
