I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
