how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
